Where does vomit come from?

by somyroommate

So my roommate never ceases to surprise me with our correspondence, and today did not fail me. As I was leaving to go to work this morning my roommate tells not to walk on the sidewalk. (This instruction was even before I even got a ‘good morning’. Clearly, indicating the importance.) But, alrighty, no problem. I drive to work anyway. #crisesavoided! He explains: “There’s vomit on the sidewalk… I don’t know if you know but the number one cause of vomit but it’s usually drunkenness. I asked the neighbors if they’ve seen vomit on the sidewalks as well, and they have. They also think it’s probably somebody who has been drinking too much and vomiting on their way home.”

Hold the phone. Number one cause of vomit? Okay, sure. I suppose I can buy that. But, I think we might really be jumping to conclusions when we assume that the vomit is caused by some drunkard on their way home from a Halloween party. We should probably first consider those second, third, and fourth possible causes of vomit. Things could get really messy if we’re only looking out for the neighborhood partier… Perhaps a passing alien got sick from space travel and had to relieve him/her/itself on our sidewalk, or maybe the neighborhood kid slipped some ipecac into the bird feeder and the aerial bio-hazards have been spewing liquid bile upon the earth . Who knows? Who knows…. I think I”ll be asking the neighbors some questions about the vomit appearances as well, but I have my own suspicions.

In the mean time, dear friends, I suggest carrying an umbrella…