somyroommate

I blog. About life.

Month: April, 2012

Commercials

So, I was listening to the radio while fighting my way to the grocery store today. And, I heard the old addage “Don’t touch that dial.” Which spurred some thought in me.

  • I don’t like being told what to do
  • This instruction spurred me to actively listen/watch to how many times I was instructed to do something, and I realized that when the commercial tells me to do something, I catch myself doing exactly the opposite just like angsty teenage me did to my parents.

1. Don’t touch that remote
-Telling me to sit through your commercials just pisses me off. I didn’t do anything wrong, why do I have to have a time out? I was having fun. Instead, of watching your shitty commercials I’m going to waddle to the fridge and find something to snaffle. Thanks for making me fat. Or I’m going to look for a new channel, given my short attention span I’ve forgotten what I’ve been watching and all my passion and built up on how much I hate commercials. Business wonders why my age group pirates so many movies, shows, and music. Answer: commercial free entertainment.
2. Keep listening to *insert radio station*
-To be perfectly honest, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anybody downloading commercials to their IPOD. Why? Cause that’s not why we turn the radio on, that’s not why we turn our IPOD/MP3 on… I also don’t want to hear some senseless, inane radio host babble about how hard it was to shart after eating at taste-e-taco last night. That’s what twitter is for. Play music.
3. Stop in and try out our delicious new *insert same old, relabeled food*
-Why are you repackaging your food? If I went there before, chances are I liked something about they way the food was before. Y U change it?! I don’t want skittles on my taco…. I take that back.
4. Buy 3 for 9$….
-I don’t need three bottles of ketchup. Because your store ordered too many doesn’t mean I want to hoard my fridge full of shit that can’t be sold before it outdates. Yes, I realize I could get another two, but all I needed was one, kthnxbai.

Urrraaah, (that’s an expression of exasperation, btw). I’ve never liked when my parents told me what to do, I didn’t listen to my teachers, and I don’t like when my friends try to dictate what I do. When some corporation implicitly tells me what I should do or what I’m going to buy, chances are that I’m going to intentionally reject it simply because I was told to. I want a choice, not a command. Thanks.

People I want to falcon punch:

Sorry, bromances about my non existence. I had oral surgery (heh, oral), and basically tried to die in the process. Dr. couldn’t get me to stop bleeding, got 8 stitches went home, still wouldn’t stop bleeding, had to go back in. Took the eight out and put ten more back in. Went back in a week to take the stitches out, started bleeding again, had to put five back in. Went back in a week, got AWL the stitches out…. got an infection. Bah, but, I’m all better and settled now.

In my angst of being spaced out on percocet, I had some time to think about shit that I hate. So, here’s my short, lovely message of things I’d love to falcon punch.

Preface: in case you’re unaware of what exactly a  falcon punch is.

1. That asshole who can’t drive… but who always seems to be in front of you. Seriously dude, I have places to go and shit to do. MOVE!

2. People in the gym who moan their workout into oblivion. This isn’t sex, I’m just trying to get my bod on. Please stop groaning at me.

3. Families who take the entire hoard to the grocery store. Lady, move your fucking cart and control your kids.I want some cheetos.

4. The “I’m drunk” whore at the bar. You’re still not sexy.

5. Close talkers. Your breath is bad.

6. Elevator/airplane farters.

7. Salespeople in retail stores. I don’t want to smell like old lady, desperate douche-bag, or cheap whore. I’m not interested in your discount card, I don’t want to hear about the new sale, and I don’t want to be a member. I want to get out of here with my cheetos.